I love the night like this, sober and tranquil. All on my ears are the slightly quivering breath and mild heartbeat from my own body. I lay myslef calmly on the table, looking staight out of window at the dim yellow moon, which is curved like a boat in the sky. Seeing no one in the room, the soft moonlight sneaks through the glasses, playful like a newborn deer, enjoying the hide and seek with the shadow of branches. Not far from me sleep two books. The paperback snuggles happily on the chest of the thick hardback, with eyes slightly closed with satisfactory, sweet smile on the coner of her mouth, and glory of happiness and pleasure flying on her face. Lovely. I say to myself. Then without warning, mawkish sentiment looms, as if a gust of wind blows from nowhere, in which the dust swirls up, misting my heart, which brings forth dizzily ill-feeling. After all, the happiness is all others'. As to me, although I could virtually "touch" the texture of happiness almost everyday, I never managed to grasp it. Ever. And I am also aware, fairly well, that it will never happen.
我喜欢这样的夜晚，深沉，宁静，耳畔只有自己颤颤的呼吸和微微的心跳。我静静地躺着，直直地看着斜在窗外的昏黄的月芽，那柔柔的月光趁着没人，穿过玻璃悄悄地溜了进来，调皮的如初生的小鹿，和树枝的影子愉快地捉着迷藏。我的身边不远的地方躺着两本书，上面的软皮书惬意地躺在下面厚厚的硬皮书的胸口，眼皮满意地合着，嘴角甜蜜地抿着，脸上分明地飞扬着幸福而满足的光彩。真好。我心里默默地说，然后突然又泛起些伤感的情愫，仿佛不知从哪来的一阵风，把地上的灰尘卷了起来，迷了心口，蒙蒙地有些难受。毕竟，幸福是别人的。而我，虽然每天可以真实地触摸到幸福，但却永远也抓不住它。从来没有。而且我也知道，清楚地知道，永远也不可能...
The room is vacuum. He was out. Is he dating one of his lovely sweet-hearts? Whenever this thought occurs to me, my heart would feel acid, just like the taste of lemon juice, which then drops on the raw wounds, and causes slight pains. Suddenly, his face emerges from all the darkness. Oh! He is so handsome! The face is apparently carved from marble, which resembles all the statues in the museum, and the distinct silhouette of which expresses fortitude and masculinity. He has the eyes of shining stars in the night, which are so affectionate and alluring, that everytime my sight happens to touch his, which is always full of affection, I would feel like as if my body is liquifying. Oh, God! I think I should never ever dare to look into his eyes,
屋子里空荡荡的。他又出去了。是和哪个女孩子约会去了吗？想到这里，我的心总会有一些酸酸的，仿佛涩涩的柠檬汁的味道，滴在伤口上，又会微微有些痛楚。突然，黑夜里竟浮现出他的脸来。喔！他是那样的英俊！那脸分明是大理石雕琢出来的，有着刚毅而鲜明的轮廓。那眼神仿佛黑夜里的闪光，既脉脉含情，又荡人心魄，每次不留神触到他那充满柔情蜜意的眼光，我感觉自己像要被熔化了一般。喔，上帝！我想我永远永远也不敢抬起眼和他对视。
Moreover, he is always so energic, yet so graceful. Yes, I should have mentioned his sense of humour, which I think charms me the most. He has the gift to put all the words together, although each of which appears so boring and meaningless by itself, in an incredible arrangement, which then seem to possess magic of happiness, so as to make you laugh from the bottom of your heart. He is always so eloquent, so expressive, that I even feel like that somehow a lovely bird can fly out of his mouth.
而且，他永远是那么的充满活力，那样的落落大方。对了，还有他的幽默感，我认为这是他最迷人的地方了。他总能将一个个单调的文字神奇地组合起来，然后就有了意想不到的魔力，让你打心底里都快乐起来。他是那样的能说会道，那样的口若悬河，我真怀疑从他的嘴里能飞出可爱的小鸟来。
Thinking of those, I smirks, as if he were just before my very eyes, only by himself, staying besides me, with his fingers gently stroking on my body. Yet, the room is still empty----he is not back.
想到这里，我傻傻地笑了。仿佛他就在我眼前，就他一个人，默默地陪着我，用手指轻柔地抚摸着我。然而房间里仍是空空荡荡的----他还没有回来。
He took a phone call before dinner, which I am quite sure was from a pretty girl. He smiled when picking up the phone, with the last sunshine of the day on his face, florid as the fresh rose. I am almost certain that he likes that girl. Then he spoke with charming voice, as it always be, and played jests with her. Finally, he hung up, which seemed so long to me, as if centuries. Then he started whistling in a merry mood----the song is one of my favorite, but yet every tune seemed slammed on my heart, ----and dressing himself in shining clothes----I wish I could tell him that this jacket is too tatty to match his shining smile. Afterwards, he tidied his hair in front of the mirror, took a good look at himself, and then acted up a naughty face----if in other occasion, i would laugh so happily at that face. At last, he seemed satisfied with his appearance, and came to my side and gave me a few pats, as if saying goodbye to me. Then he left. I had been laying there silently, dumbly observing his pleasure. My heart was broken. Without a warning, tears were all over my face.
他是在晚饭前接了个电话，我想那一定是一个可爱的女孩子打来的。拿起电话时他微笑了，夕阳的余晖映在他的脸上，那样的灿烂，我几乎肯定他是喜欢那个女孩子的。然后他用那迷人的声音答应着，和那女孩子开着调皮的玩笑。终于电话挂了，打了好长的时间，仿佛几个世纪都过去了。接着他便开心地吹着口哨----吹的是我最爱听的一首歌，然而现在每一个音符都仿佛重重地砸在我的心上----开始换上光鲜的衣服----我真想告诉他，这套衣服其实和他阳光般的笑脸并不般配。之后他便在镜子前梳了梳头，仔细地打量了一下自己，还调皮地做了个鬼脸----若在平时看到他那个鬼脸，我一定会很开心地笑的。终于，他仿佛满意了自己的造型，然后走过来敲打了我几下，仿佛是和我告别。然后便出门了。我静静地躺在那里，静静地观察着他的欢乐，我的心都要碎了。不觉间，满脸都是泪水。
Just like this he was out of door, cheerfully dating his sweetie, and leaving me alone in this empty room, who has always been expecting his back home earlier. The day is getting dark. The hour hand has moved along the edge almost a circle, from the down right corner the position I first saw it at. And the phone on the table has rung three times. Yet he is not back.
他就这样出门了，去见他心爱的女孩子。只留着我在这空荡荡的屋子里，默默地盼着他能早点回来。天渐渐地暗了下来，墙上时钟的位置从左下角沿着钟沿转了大半圈，桌上的电话也响了三次，然而他仍没有回来。
I once again give a disappointing look at the door. No sound. Nor any sign he is coming back. Maybe, maybe he would not be home tonight...
我又失落地看了大门一眼。没有声音，没有任何他要回来的征兆。也许，也许他今天晚上就不会回来了...
The girl he is dating with, I think I should know well. Their first meet no the net was about one month ago. It was then I just moved into his home. Actually I am quite confident of myself, both the appearance and figure. I guess he has the same feeling. And I know he liked me at the first sight, although, it was never that kind of "like". But for me, I love him at the first sight. I never get it why I should have had that kind of feeling----the moment when I saw him, I felt like my heart had not belonged to myself any more. The next moment, he so cheerfully carried me in his arms to his home, and softly and carefully placed me on the table. It was then the first time I saw his loving and tender eyes. What an indescibable feeling it was! It seemed as if my soul was pushed out of my body, and then I was flying with joy, and filling the whole space of the room.
他约会的那个女孩子，我想我也是了解的。他们第一次在网上碰到是一个月以前。那个时候我刚到他家来。其实我自我感觉还是很不错的，不论是外观还是体型，我都很满意的。我想他也是这么觉得的。我知道他第一眼看到我就喜欢上我了，不过，不是那样的喜欢。而我第一眼看到他我就爱上他了，不知道为什么会有这样的感觉----在看到他的那一刹那，我就觉得我的心已经不属于我自己了。总之，他欢天喜地地把我抱回家里，温柔而慎重地把我摆在桌上，我就是在那个时候第一次看到了他那深情款款的眼神。那是怎样一种难以形容的感觉啊！仿佛我的灵魂就生生地被那眼神从身体里逼了出去，然后我便快乐地飞了起来，充满了整个屋子。
Then he started to pet me. I so love the touch of his fingers, so gently, yet slightly quivering with excitement, as if through his tender skin, I could sense his fire-like passion in his jumping heart.
然后他开始抚摸我了。我喜欢他指尖的触觉，那样的柔和，又微微有些因激动引起的颤抖，仿佛透过他那滑嫩的皮肤，我可以感受到那颗火热的跳动着的心。
Sadly, all his passion, all his devotion, seemed just existing for a rather flash on me, just in a blink. Sooner afterwards, his attention was on somewhere else, and my existence was totally ignored, just like the mug on the table.
可是，他所有的热情，所有的专注，仿佛只在我身上存在了那么短短的一瞬间，就是那么一眨眼的工夫。然后，他的注意力就转到了其它的地方，而我的存在就被彻底的忽视了，如同桌上的那个茶杯。
Soon, he met that girl. First they chatted on Net, days and nights. What they were talking about are all in my mind. Please dont take me wrong, I am not that kind of woman who is keen to pry others' affairs. It is just whenever they are chatting, he needs me around. Feeling I could be of any use, I feel a little consolement. Nevertheless, maybe he never knows, how hard it is for me to be forced standing as a fool in the middle of them hearing all their sweet talks. I wish I could forget all of them in a second, but the harder I push myself to throw all those words which make me so distracted and so ill way behind my head, the heavier one word after another hit my heart. Sometimes I even fancy, that all this lovely words were just for me. His honey tongue was licking my ear and breathed those flirting words into my heart. Alas! It never happens, I know, never, ever happens....
之后不久，他便认识了那个女孩子。先只是聊天，没日没夜地聊。他们聊了些什么我都知道。请不要误会，我并不是那样的爱探听人家的私事，只是在他聊天的时候，他需要我在身边。感到自己对他还有用处，我心里有那么一些的欣慰。然而，也许他不知道，被强迫着夹在他们之间听着他们的甜言蜜语，我的心里该有多难受。我真希望能马上把它们都忘掉。然而我越是努力将那些惹得我心烦意乱的东西丢在脑后，而那一个字一个字又更为沉重地砸在我的心坎。有时我竟会幻想，那些甜蜜的情话竟是对我讲的。他那抹着蜜糖的嘴就咬着我的耳朵，悄悄地将那撩人的话儿吹进来。唉，不可能的，我知道，那是不可能的，永远也不可能的...
That girl is a fairly nice girl, I have to admit it. Her words is so considerate, so compassionate, and so understanding. Yes, she might be in little temper now and then, but this only makes her more adorable. Sometimes I could be so vicious to guess that maybe this girl is but good in personality, maybe she has a normal look, so that could only chat with people on Net. But one day, they were finally on camera. On the screen appeared a girl of comely face. Round and fruity cheek, thin and long eyebrows, vivid eyes with the reflection of water, delicate nose, and small and soft lips. My woman-ego completely collapsed. I supposed, if I were him, I would as well have fallen in love with her. I gave a glance at him. From his eyes, I seemed to perceive something, radiating outwards like electromagnetic wave does. My heart was hammered heavily, as my sensitive instinct told me, at the first time when i saw her, there had been the same thing in my eyes as now in his...
那个女孩子真是很好的女孩，我不得不承认这一点。她的话语是那样的体贴，那样的温柔，那样的善解人意。虽然有时会闹些小脾气，但这却使她更加地可爱了。我有时候竟会恶毒地想，也许这个女孩子只是性格好罢了，也许她长得是很一般的，只能在网上和别人聊天罢了。然而有一天，他们终于视频了。屏幕上出现了一个清秀的女孩的脸。光滑圆润的脸蛋，修长的眉毛，秋水一般盈盈的眼睛，还有那精致的鼻子，和小巧而滑软的嘴唇。我的自尊心彻底地受到了打击。我想，如果我是他的话，也会情不自禁地爱上她的吧。我向他看了一眼。从他的眼睛里，我仿佛看到了一些东西，如电磁波一般地扩散了出来。我的心如被重锤猛击了一下，因为敏感的直觉告诉我，当我第一次看到他时，我的眼神，就是这样子的...
The moon still hangs low in the sky, casting dim yellow light. The curtain of that window is not dropped, so that the moonlight walks through the window and splashes itself all over the desk in front of the wondow. Before the computer screen, there lays a despaired keyboard, painfully lost in thought...
那半个月亮仍悬在半空，发出昏黄的光。那一家窗帘没有拉上，月光便透过玻璃洒了进去，照在窗前的书桌上。电脑显示器前，静静地躺着一副绝望的键盘，在痛苦地思念着...
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