翻译的<牡丹亭>唱词一小段,请高手指点.
最近迷上昆曲,别人翻译了一小段牡丹亭唱词,我看不出高下,发上来请中英兼修的高手指点一下.如果能再给译几段就更好了.
【蝶恋花】忙处抛人闲处住。百计思量，没个为欢处。白日消磨肠断句，世间只有情难诉。
玉茗堂前朝后暮，红烛迎人，俊得江山助。但是相思莫相负，牡丹亭上三生路。（末念）
“情不知所起，一往而深。生者可以死，死可以生，梦中之情，何必非真。”（下）
[Butterfly love flower(tone)] （【蝶恋花】）
Time passes by quickly when I were busy. （忙处抛人闲处住）
As I got my leisure time, I thinked it over and over to find a happy things to do but failed. （百计思量，没个为欢处。）
I passed time by writing at daytime, feeling it is love that is difficult to describe. （白日消磨肠断句，世间只有情难诉。）
I wrote day and night in the White Camellia Hall,the story in which there is beautiful peoples greeted with a red candle and being helped by the whole world. (玉茗堂前朝后暮，红烛迎人，俊得江山助。)
If only missing without betraying, these peoples can live and dead for three more times in peony pavilion.( 但是相思莫相负，牡丹亭上三生路。)
(an old man says) （（末念））
"Love that you can not tell where it come from, goes straight through deeply. （“情不知所起，一往而深。）
Live people can go dead, while dead people can relive. （生者可以死，死可以生，）
There is no need for a love in the dream to be unreal." （梦中之情，何必非真。”）
(The old man goes) （（下））
说明：(不太确定的地方)
1, 但是：只要。我译作：White Camellia Hall
2，玉茗堂：汤显祖为自己的住所取的名称，以玉茗（白山茶）花而得名。我译作：White Camellia Hall
3，末：扮演年纪较大的男角色。传奇第一回一般由副末开场，本剧用末代替副末。我译作：an old man
